It’s that very special time of year when all of America’s college students put aside their textbooks to focus on a more pressing pursuit: who is best at putting a ball through a hoop. But at Endless Simmer we’re more interested in what they’re doing after the game. So instead of spending all week filling out some silly brackets, we decided to rank all 68 NCAA tournament teams by what really is the best part of college: the greasy, cheesy, meaty, ridiculously over-the-top local foods that you would ever only consider eating if you were in college, celebrating a win, and…well, drunk as hell.
68. Virginia Commonwealth University: Senior Bobble
A quesadilla kicked up a good few notches, with ground beef, peppers and crushed tortilla chips inside.
BoDillaz; Richmond, Virginia (Photo: BoDillaz)
67. Kentucky: MegaHo Burger
This triple-decker burger can come complete with gravy, cheese, jalapenos, mushrooms, bacon, tomato, pickle and lettuce — don’t forget the cheese-filled tater tots on the side. Only ranked so low because we have not confirmed that you can eat this and still walk out the door alive.
Tolly-Ho; Lexington, Kentucky (Photo: Tolly-Ho)
66. UC-Santa Barbara: BBQ Sauce Nachos
It’s unclear why so few other establishments have thought to combine juicy chicken or carne asads nachos with sticky BBQ sauce.
Freebirds World Burrito; Isla Vista, California (Photo: Tuan T)
65. North Carolina: Chicken Cheddar Biscuit
Two fluffy biscuits, one crispy wedge of fried chicken, one helluva lot of gooey cheese. Completely acceptable for either a drunk dinner or a drunk breakfast.
Time-Out Restaurant; Chapel Hill, North Carolina (Photo: Henry & Georgia Ounesivixay)
64. University of Alabama-Birmingham: Gus’s Special Dog
How to improve on the basic hot dog? Top it with a mound of ground beef, onions, mustard, sauerkraut and a mysterious “special sauce.” Read more about Gus’s at Marie Let’s Eat.
Gus’s Hot Dogs; Birmingham, Alabama (Photo: Marie Let’s Eat)
63. BYU: Graham Canyon Ice Cream
Ice cream with swirls of graham crackers and chocolate covered toffee bits. About as crazy as Provo, Utah gets. BYU Creamery; Provo, Utah
(Photo: Bring Graham Canyon Back!)
62. Kansas State: Tijuana Trainwreck
Basically every Mexican and Mexican-ish ingredient — tortilla, chicken, salsa, chili, black beans, corn, cheese sour cream, etc… — all cooked together in one bowl, and served, for some reason,with a salad.
CoCo Bolos; Manhattan, Kansas (Photo: Toonces the Driving Cat)
61. Utah State: Aggy’s Bacon Cheese Fries
A-ha! Turns out not all of Utah is as wholesome as BYU. Good job, state.
Aggy’s Sports Grill; Logan, Utah (Photo: Aggy’s)
60. St Peter’s: Lucky 7′s Bacon Cheese Fries
Jersey one-ups Utah by actually submerged whole strips of bacon in the cheez whiz-y stuff.
Lucky 7; Jersey City, New Jersey (Photo: Regina W)
59. Georgetown: Jumbo Slice
The absolute definition of drunk food, D.C.’s 1,300-calorie hot mess of pepperoni, cheese and oil is irresistible after 2 a.m., but has perhaps never been consumed by a sober person.
Pizza Mart / Pizza Bolis / Others ; Washington, D.C. (Photo: C.S.)
58 & 57. Cincinnati / Xavier: Gold Star Chili Cheese Coneys
There are tasty hot dogs hidden somewhere under all that cheese.
Gold Star Chili; Cincinnati, Ohio (Photo: willieabrams)
56. Morehead State: Pizza-Style Philly Cheesesteak
A national chain, we know, but the best drunk grub we could find in Morehead, Kentucky.
Penn Station East Coast Subs (Photo: Jason Collins)
55. Louisville: Spinelli’s Pizza
You know you’re in a college town when it’s 5 a.m. and you can still get a slice of pizza that is larger than a small child.
Spinelli’s; Louisville, Kentucky (Photo: Christina Howard)
54. Florida: The Cuban Gator
For those who always thought Cuban Sandwiches didn’t have enough meat, this one adds shredded beef and pork to the party.
Flaco’s Cuban Bakery; Gainesville, Florida (Photo: Howie L)
53. Wofford: Trash Can Omelette
Bacon, ham, swiss cheese, american cheese, onions, peppers and tomatoes, served 24 hours a day.
Papa’s Breakfast Nook; Spartansburg, South Carolina (Photo: Papa’s)
52. San Diego State: Sigma Pi Burrito
Burrito filled with carne asada, cheese, sour cream, guacamole, French fries, jalapenos, salsa AND an entire cheese quesadilla inside the burrito.
Trujillo’s; San Diego, California (Photo: Scott Robert)
51. Villanova: Campus Corner Gravy Fries
A stand-out option at a campus-side eatery that will deliver anything from nachos and bagels to cigarettes and Red Bull.
Campus Corner; Villanova, Pennsylvania (Photo: Tinya C)
50. Alabama State: Chris’ Famous Hot Dog
Two hot dogs in one bun, slathered with a sloopy secret-recipe sauce that somehow McDonald’s has not bought yet.
Chris’ Famous Hot Dogs; Montgomery, Alabama (Photo: Ochazuke J.)
49. Hampton: Q BBQ Ribs
#16 seed Hampton may not make it far in the tournament, but at least they have these to drown themselves in.
Q Barbecue; Hampton, Virginia; (Photo: Q Barbecue)
48. Old Dominion: Strawberry Willy
The drive-in that invented the ice cream cone is still dreaming up stoner-worthy concoctions like this bowl of strawberries, ice cream and crushed waffle cones.
Doumar’s, Norfolk, Virginia (Photo: Tanya L)
47. St. John’s: D’Angelo’s Italian Sausage
We could spend a whole list debating who has the best sausage in the county of Queens, but it’s hard to beat this classic. Read more about D’Angelo’s at Always Hungry NY.
D’Angelo’s Italian Sausage; Queens, New York (Photo: Always Hungry NY)
46. Akron: Fried Bologna Quarter Pounder
Who needs beef when you’ve got bologna!
Swenson’s Drive In; Akron, Ohio (Photo: Rene G)
45. UConn: The Passing ‘Zone
With UMass (home of the original D.P. Dough) out of the tourney this year, we’re giving the rival UConn branch credit for this amazing invention: a calzone stuffed with breaded chicken fingers, mozzarella, bacon, tomatoes and ranch dressing.
D.P. Dough; Storrs, Connecticut (Photo: Webshots)
44. Purdue: Duane Purvis All-American PB Burger
100% sirloin patty with lettuce, tomato, pickle, Spanish onions, and….wait for it…peanut butter. You heard right.
Triple XXX Family Restaurant; West Lafayette, Indiana (Photo: Brood Witch)
43. Tennessee: Krystal’s Steamer Pack
Tennessee’s answer to White Castle is best when served in oversize box form — 24 to go, “perfect for the whole family!” — or, of course, one very drunk eater.
Krsytals, Knoxville, Tennessee (and elsewhere) (Photo: Burning Karma)
42. Duke: Cosmic Cantina Chimichanga
Like the defending champs themselves, there’s nothing edgy or shocking here; they just get things done, with some dirt cheap Mexican food that happens to be bigger than your head.
Cosmic Cantina; Durham, North Carolina (Photo: Wikimedia)
41. University of Washington: Shultzy’s Sausage Sandwich
A smoky-garlicky Cajun sausage link topped with grilled onions and peppers, and available ’til 2 a.m.
Shultzy’s Sausage; Seattle, Washington (Photo: PatrickO)
40. Ohio State: The Fat Carnie
Buffalo tenders, mozzarella sticks, french fries, bacon bits and ranch dressing, all on a sandwich.
PJs Grill; Columbus, Ohio (Photo: My Fisher Grad Life)
39. Clemson: Skin Thrasher’s
There’s only one option on the menu here: an old-school beef-pork hot dog — chili, cheese, onions and hot sauce strongly encouraged.
Skin Thrasher’s; Pendleton, South Carolina (Photo: Tonya P)
38. Bucknell: Special Supreme Pizza
From the school of thought that toppings should leave barely a peak of actual pizza left in sight.
House of Pizza; Lewisburg, Pennsylvania (Photo: Tony Chang)
37. Missouri: El Rancho Nachos
Apparently the same rule can be applied to the meat-to-chips ratio. The seemingly permanent line of Mizzou students outside El Rancho can attest. More about Missouri’s late-night muncie seen at I Know CoMo.
El Rancho; Columbia, Missouri (Photo: I Know CoMo)
36. Memphis: BBQ Tofu
A meatless Tennessee surprise! If you’re looking for inebriated Memphis students, they can reliably be found chowing done on this savory southern-style soy.
RP Tracks; Memphis, Tennessee (Photo: RP Tracks)
